Things To Know Before You Text A Girl First
So you got her number. It’s the day after you met her at the bar, and you’re preparing to send the first message. Hold up. Read this first.
Texting girls is an interesting game, because the technology is so new (relatively speaking) and we’re constantly changing the way we socialise with it. People use different platforms, from standard text messaging to apps like WhatsApp, and even things like Facebook Messenger which have a personal profiles attached to them. Different age groups use different platforms in different ways, and good advice for an 18-year-old will likely be terrible advice for a 38-year-old. It can be a minefield.
Fortunately, we’re going to share our best advice that can be applied across all texting platforms and age groups.
It’s important that you realise texting is a piece of the puzzle and not a means to an end. That is, your in-person game needs to be good as well. Sure, you were hoping that being a good texter would be sufficient, because you get nervous in person. Texting gives you unlimited time to think of clever responses, and you can even ask others for help. Unfortunately there is no magic texting technique that stops you from having to talk to girls in person. Besides, the experience you get from talking to girls in person is hugely beneficial to your text game, too. If you can’t pick up on what someone is saying with the help of their facial expressions, body language and tone, you’re not going to stand much of a chance when all of those cues are taken away.
We’ve even written a basic guide to learning pickup, so there’s no excuse not to get out there and talk to girls in person!
So if texting isn’t a means to an end, what IS it good for? Why do you need to learn it if you can just rely on getting to know someone in person? Well, the reality is that a lot of girls aren’t going home with you on the first night you meet them. You need to get a number and keep the conversation going. Even more importantly, often your target is out with a friend, and you can’t separate them. If you can find a moment to grab her number at some point during the night, good text game will leave you with a solid chance of getting somewhere on day 2.
Your texts will be read in the context of the impression you made on her when you met. If you only had a brief interaction and she flippantly gave you her number, 9 times out of 10 you’re going to get nowhere – you never built any attraction and she has no real desire to talk to you. You need to be building attraction in person so she can’t wait to hear from you via text the next day.
Just like in-person, texting is a numbers game. If you’re trying to figure out the perfect thing to text to one specific girl that will make her fall in love with you, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, you should be trying out a few different approaches with the handful of girls you got numbers for last weekend – and in order to have a handful of phone numbers, you need to be good at talking to girls in person. If you can hold a decent conversation with a girl for a couple of minutes then say “Hey I’ve got to get back to my friends, but I’d love to text you some time” there’s a pretty decent chance you’ll end up with her number.
The Texting Game
Once you’ve got the number, remember, texting is a means to an end. You don’t want to be trying to hold up an entire conversation via text. If you use texting as your primary method of communication, you make yourself seem needy and unconfident, and one of two things will happen. Either she will lose interest and the conversation will die, or when you do meet up in person you’ll be fighting an uphill battle because you’ve already used up several conversation topics without building much (or any) attraction. Keep texts fairly brief, and limit yourself to 3-5 messages per day with each girl – unless the texts are actually discussing the logistics of meeting up in person.
The type of language you use should take into account two things. The first is that it should attempt to mirror her as much as possible, and the second is that it should be congruent with your personality. For example, if she is very excitable and energetic and uses loads of emojis, attempt to match her energy so you don’t seem apathetic. Conversely, if she is very chilled and mellow over texts, then being overly energetic will make you seem desperate.
With this in mind, just like in person, you also need to stay true to your personality. If you’re a 30-year-old with a Masters Degree, then typing like a college sophomore will come across as inauthentic and creepy. Conversely, an 18-year-old jock/athlete type writing in full sentences with complete punctuation will likely come across as though they have a stick up their ass.
In reality, the principles of text game are not so different from in-person game at all. Remember that it’s a numbers game. Be congruent with your personality. Use texting as a means to an end (meeting in person). Build attraction… Get the girl! It really is that simple.